Travis V. Nordale

Hope this is just a rumor but up here in interior Alaska a couple of guys are saying it. They think he’s going to hold his own inauguration down the street from the real one. That’s just like him, you know trying to steal the show. He’ll have his own cabinet secretaries and the whole deal. Did anybody else hear about this? I’ll be real ticked off if he really does it.

I know this guy Grayson that says it just might be okay to shoot someone with no face mask on in self defense. I told him, whoa, don’t get too carried away dude. This Grayson is the kind of guy they call a rugged individual. He lives about 45 minutes north of town and keeps to himself mostly. I met him a few times when he came down here to visit my hangout bar. They say years ago he dropped out of big time corporate life in the lower 48, back east in Chicago I think. He came up here to get away from it all. He’s got a long explanation for his thinking about this self defense thing. I know he’s got some strange ideas and this could be one of them. He called me on the phone about this. I said, Grayson, we need to check this out before you hurt someone. He told me to write to the attorney general of the United States in Washington. So I did and gave him Grayson’s story. Here’s my letter. Let’s see of the guy answers:

Dear Attorney General,

If a guy’s coming at me with a gun and I can’t get away, isn’t okay if I shoot him first in self defense? Okay, but here’s a new thing. Suppose a guy’s coming at me with no face mask on and he’s coughing and throwing out those droplets they talk about on TV, and there’s no way for me to get away, can I shoot him in self defense? Yeah, I don’t know if the guy’s infected. But I don’t know if the other guy’s gun is loaded. This guy could be loaded with the virus. Getting too close to the guy with no face mask could kill me just as dead as the guy with the gun. This is something some guy I know’s been talking up with me. He’s thinking self defense would be okay, I just don’t know. We both want to get the word straight from you. Thanks and keep yourself safe.

Sincerely,
Travis V. Nordale
travis@travis-nordale.online

I was hearing on TV that some politicians and Washington are for giving reparations to folks whose ancestors were African slaves here in America. But I was really blown away when I read that Senator Elizabeth Warren wanted us to pay Native Americans too. A lot of us Alaskans have ancestors that got a bad deal when the Europeans came too. My friend Harry he’s one of them. He’s an Aleut Indian. His folks got made slaves when the Russians came in 1741. They made his relatives work or else. He told me those Russkies would line up a bunch of Aleuts standing one in front of the other. Then some Russian would get behind the back of the last guy in line. Do you know what he’d do? He’d shoot is gun into the poor guy’s back. They wanted to see how far into the line of Aleuts their bullet would go.

That really ticked me and I wanted to be sure that Senator Elizabeth Warren is thinking of our Alaskan Indians when she’s talking about paying Native Americans. So I wrote her a personal letter.

There was something else about this reparations deal the bothered me. My history book says that the African slaves started off in Jamestown back in 1619. That was an awful thing. But there was no United States back then. We didn’t show up as a country til after the Revolutionary War in1783. And we ended the slavery in 1865. I’m no math whiz but here’s how I figure it. There was African slavery for 249 years. We only had them for 82 years out of that. Doesn’t that mean that the British should pay most of the bill for those reparations? Why should us Americans have to dig into our pockets to pay for the bad things the British did before our country was even born? And what about the French and Spanish? Did they have slaves when they owned part of the Lower 48? Maybe somebody got to make them pay up too.

Same goes for the Russians about up here in Alaska. We Americans never had a part of that. The Russkies came in 1741 and sold the place to America in 1867. That’s after our 13th Amendment that stopped slavery. So the Russians should pay for it all, don’t you think?

That’s why I wrote to the Senator Elizabeth Warren. This is my letter:

Elizabeth Warren
United States Senator
Washington, DC

Hiyo Senator Warren,

Boy am I with you. If I got it right you said that Native Americans should be part of the conversation on that reparations deal. I’m up here in Alaska. My friend Harry he’s an Aleut Indian. He’s always telling me about how those outsiders came along and forced his ancestors to do their work for them. If they didn’t work they got shot. Harry wants some reparations for the Aleuts too. He says the United States owes them big. But I said to him, Harry those weren’t United States people, they were the darn Russians. I told Harry the Aleuts should get their reparations from the Russians not from us. As soon as I said that something hit my mind. What I learned in history is that most of the time the bad guys who had slaves here were not us. Our country didn’t exist til later. They were from England and who knows what else countries. Shouldn’t they be the ones to pay the reparations? I don’t know what do you think? Why should we pay for the bad things done by the English and Russians? Please give me your answer so I can tell Harry.

This is Travis at travis-nordale.online.

That’s what I told her. Harry said I’d never get a peep back from her. But I did. It was a real honor to hear from a United States Senator. She’s even trying to be our next president.

She sent me a long letter but most of it talked about other things that she’s big on. But she did thank me for contacting her. And she said “Your voice helps make sure that Washington works for all Americans.” Harry said that means she liked my ideas about reparations because she thinks they’re helpful.

Senator Elizabeth Warren also told me “I hope you will continue to stay engaged on the important issues facing Congress.” That made me feel really proud that someone important like that wants me to stay pushing on this reparations thing. I hope she’ll do something to make those British and Russians and all pay their fair part of the reparations.

Before the 2016 election my friend Harry told me if I voted for Hillary the US would be pushed toward the brink of war with Russia, we’d remain stuck in foreign military conflicts that do no good for the US, and that our government would get dragged down in endless political scandals and controversies. Well shucks I ignored Harry’s advice and went right ahead and voted for Hillary anyway. But darned if Harry wasn’t right. I voted for her and everything he predicted actually came true.

Did you hear about all these suspicious get-togethers at Trump Towers? I mean the ones with Russkies. I’m not seeing how the mayor de Blasio puts up with that. You hear enough bad things about New York without it.

I was thinking maybe he didn’t know. He could be too busy to follow up on all that Trump stuff. So thinking I was doing him a favor I wrote to him just to let him know. It was a warning. Look at my letter

Bill de Blasio
Mayor of New York City
New York, New York

Dear Your Honor,

What an honor this is for me. Gosh I’m writing to the mayor of our country’s biggest city. I’ve been there a lot. It sure is big. They call it the big apple, you know. My friend Dana says you’re the big cheese of the big apple. I don’t know if it was meant as a nice comment. Anyway it sounds really important to me.

There’s one thing about New York that worries me. It’s the Trump Tower skyscraper building. Dana, the friend I mentioned, says it’s a den of Russian spies. It doesn’t make sense to me. I say how can a tower be a den? A den is like a hole where bears live in the winter. Dana laughed at me and said “Yeah it’s full of Russian bears.”

Mr. Mayor, is all that true? I saw something on TV about one of the Trump kids. It said he was doing something fishy with Russians in that building. Why allow New York City to be used as a hot bed for spies? That’s not American, is it?

Can’t you do something about this? Maybe close off the street so the Russians can’t get in? Here’s another idea. Just condemn the damn building. That’d fix those spies.

Maybe you have your own idea. It’d probably be better than mine, I know. Do something now. You have my support.

America needs your leadership.

Sincerely,
Travis V. Nordale
travis@travis-nordale.online

I doubt Mr. de Blasio ever saw my letter. My answer came from someone called The City of New York. Yea, I know that’s not a real person. It’s probably just some kind of machine. But look what the big darn city of New York wrote back:

Dear TRAVIS NORDALE:

Thank you for contacting the City of New York. Your message has been forwarded to the appropriate agency for review and handling.

For future reference, your service request number is 1-1-1442932285.

Sincerely,
The City of New York

Well thank you Mr. Mayor. I hope your freaky machine forwards my letter to the appropriate agency. Dana told me that agency is probably just another machine. Geez. How’s this Trump Russian stuff ever going to get cleaned up if they’ve just got machines working on it?

You’re welcome to use my service request number if you want to write to de Blasio. I’m not writing again. Tell him I said they should replace him with a machine next time they vote in New York.

Everybody’s yapping we should do this and do that so there won’t be more shootings of kids. I see it’s a bad problem down in the lower 48. Up here in Alaska the only school shooting I ever heard about was twenty years ago. Maybe the guys down south ought to come up here to look around and see how we keep the problem down.

I’m no expert about this but I heard in our Yukon-Koyukuk school district it’s a gun-free and drug-free zone. Maybe it is other places. I just don’t know.

I think that’s how it should be. No guns no drugs. I saw on TV Trump wants to send in guns for teachers because there’s been shootings. Would he send in drugs to end school drug problems?

Trump should just make a law. No guns in schools. Then all he needs to do is enforce the law. Isn’t he a law and order guy?

I’m still trying to figure out what’s up with Trump and all that Russia stuff. How about you?

I’m proud of the good old USA and the president should get respect. If he can make America better I say good for him. But who’s kidding who about Russia.

I even wrote Trump to find out. I wasn’t thinking he’d write back himself. He’s got people to do that stuff. I can’t imagine how many secretaries and all. One of them should be able to drop me a note don’t you think? This is what I sent out:

Donald J. Trump
President of the United States
Washington DC

Dear President Trump,

I sure admire your plan to make America great again.

The other day on the bus I heard the guys behind me making fun of you. One said you are Putin’s puppet. The other called you comrade Trump. I turned around and said, hey, you can’t talk that way about our president. They told me you’re trying to make Russia great again. I said no sir, no sir. But they gave me such dirty looks that I got off the bus at the next stop.

Walking all the rest of the way to work I got confused thinking about this. I remember when you were campaigning you said you want to get along with Putin. So we’ve got Russia and we’ve got the United States. They can’t both be the best, right? Somebody’s got to be on top and somebody’s got to be on the bottom. Did those guys on the bus have it right about you?

Thank you for your support of America. God bless.

Sincerely,
Travis V. Nordale

That should have been pretty simple to answer, huh? Who’s he trying to make great? Is it them or us? If those guys on the bus are full of it he could just say so.

But there wasn’t even one lone bozo down there in the White House who answered. I’m really ticked.

All this news about Russia scares the heck out of me up here in Alaska. The USA is getting attacked by Putin and they’re finding Americans helping him out. It looks like guys are going to go to jail over this. I say good for that.

But will any good guys get caught up in the sweep? You know when cops are trying to clean up a riot they arrest everybody in sight. Maybe some people who were just there looking around end up getting pinched by the cops. Do you see what I’m getting at?

Think about this. I’m a coke addict. No, no, I don’t mean the drug stuff. I’m not that dumb. It is Coca Cola that I love. I drink two or three cans of the stuff every day almost.

I know that the Coke company is in cahoots with the Russians. Trust me, they are. Now I don’t want them to get shut down here because they’re cozy with them Russians.

So I tried to warn Coke. Here is a letter I wrote to their head honcho:

Muhtar Kent
Chairman
The Coca-Cola Company
Atlanta, Georgia

Dear Mr. Chairman:

You got to get your company out of Russia before it’s too late. I know you’re selling Coca Cola there. Four years ago my friend went on a tour to Russia. He came back with an empty Coke can. It was a souvenir. That’s how I know. The only thing is that in Russia Coca Cola is spelled with Ks instead of Cs. Did you know that? It looks really weird.

Well that’s not why I wrote this letter. The trouble is that the word “Russia” stinks now in the USA. It’s because of Putin. People that have had anything to do with Russia and Putin are getting into big trouble. They’re being investigated. Who knows, they may even get put in jail. That’s what I heard on TV.

I’m afraid if you keep up with that Russia stuff you’re going to get in trouble too. They may even close down your company in the good old USA. Heck, I don’t want to see that happen. I’d really miss my Coca Cola.

Maybe you’re making some money over there in Russia selling those Russkies the cans of Coke with the funny spelling. So is it worth it if it gets you shut down? Or if more Americans find out about you cozying up to Russians they may start saying that Coke stinks too, just like Russia.

I hope you’ll think of us American Coke drinkers and stop playing around in Russia.

P.S. Have you ever met Putin or his former US ambassador Kislyak?

Sincerely,
Travis V. Nordale

That’s the letter. But do you know how they answered? Look at this will you:

Thank you for contacting The Coca-Cola Company, Mr. Nordale. We appreciated receiving your submission.

Because of our worldwide visibility, we receive many unsolicited suggestions from persons outside of our Company. We are complimented that our consumers are interested enough in our Company to want to help us improve our performance. At the same time, however, we are unable to consider any submissions from persons or business groups outside the Company when the submission relates to advertising, sales promotions, formula modifications for any of our brands, or concepts we have previously reviewed.

We recognize that having such a policy may occasionally cause us to miss an opportunity for good suggestions from our friends outside the Company. However, experience has shown us that our policy is the best course to follow The result is that we cannot consider marketing suggestions.

We wish to emphasize that although we cannot consider your idea, your interest is certainly appreciated. If you have additional questions or comments, please visit our website again.

Sincerely,
Jeffrey C
CokeSubmit.com
The Coca-Cola Company

What’s that you say? Here I try to help out warning them about being too tight with those Russians and he comes back thinking I’m trying to tell them how to make Coke. Maybe that guy is hooked on coke. The bad kind I mean. Maybe somebody down there in the lower 48 at the Coke main place will read this and get on the stick. I don’t want to end getting my Coke taken away because guys like that Jeffrey C is too dumb to see the hand writing on the wall. Keep your finger crossed that Coke’s got smarter dudes than him.

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